Kevs Classic Games



Football Blunders

'Never go for a 50-50 ball unless you're 80-20 sure of winning it.' - IAN DARKE

'If that had gone in, it would have been a goal' - DAVID COLEMAN

'Peru score their third, and it's 3-1 to Scotland.' - DAVID COLEMAN

'Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead.' - TOM PERRIE

'The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory.' - DAVID COLEMAN

'West Germany's Briegel hasn't been able to get past anyone yet - that's his trademark.' - JOHN HELM

'I predicted in August that Celtic would reach the final. On the eve of that final I stand by that prediction.' - ARCHIE MACPHERSON

'Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.' - JOHN GREIG

'Four minutes to go... four long minutes... three-hundred and sixty seconds...' - ALISTAIR ALEXANDER

'Now Zola tries to inject some speed...' - RON JONES

'That was only a yard away from being an inch-perfect pass.' - MURDO MACLEOD

'I strongly feel that the only difference between the two teams were the goals that England scored.' - CRAIG BROWN

'I've spoken to five managers in the past eight days and 85% of them have called me to chat about my players' - MARTIN O'NEILL



-The almighty says he can get me outta this, but he's pretty sure you're fucked.

-What will you do with our freedom?

-Every man dies. Not every man really lives.

-I know you can fight, but it's our wits that make us men.

-Then that is something we shall have to remedy.


-You want I should wipe the dead bugs off the windshield?

-We got both kinds. Country and Western

-It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses

-Did ya get me any Cheeze Whiz, boy?

-Sell them to me. Sell me your children.

-Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

-It wasn't my fault! Really, it wasn't! An old friend came in out of town! The car ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have enough money for cab fare! The tux didn't come back from the cleaners! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault I swear to God!!!

-The use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers has been approved

-One Timex digital watch - broken. One unused prophylactic. One soiled.

-How much for the little girl? Your women - how much for the women?

-What was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullsh*tting you.

-They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God!

-I hate Illinois Nazis!

-Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips!


-If knowledge is power then a god am I

-Now who in the right mind has bats on the brain?

-What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was guys with earrings. College, motorcycles, leather jackets. Now, black rubber.

-You like strong women. I've done my homework. Or do I need skin-tight vinyl and a whip?

-You should have let me in on this. We could have planned it, prepared it, pre-sold the movie rights!

-Holley rusted metal, Batman!

-Then it will happen this way: You make the kill, but your pain doesn't die with Harvey, it grows. So you run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another, until one terrible morning you wake up and realize that revenge has become your whole life. And you won't know why.

-We're the same.


-You poor guys. Always confusing your pistols with your privates.

-It's the so-called normal guys who always let you down. Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed.

-You're just jealous because I'm a real freak and you have to wear a mask.

-You got to admit I played this stinking city like a harp from hell.

-Life's a bItch; now so am I.

-That's my name, Maxamillion, don't wear it or I'll make you buy me a new one


-Quack attack is back, Jack!

-Today it's Wheaties boxes. Tomorrow it's video games and action figures. The sky's the limit!

-It's knuckle puck time!


-God has a hard on for marines because we kill everything we see. He plays His games, we play ours. To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls. God was here before the marine corps, so you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the corps!

-Today you are no longer maggots. Today you are marines. You're part of a brotherhood.

-There is no racial bigotry here. We do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here, you are all equally worthless.
Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high.

-I am... in a world... of shit.

-I guess they'd rather be alive than free. Poor dumb bastards

-Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker who just signed his own death warrant?

-Privage Pyle, you are so ugly, you are uglier than a modern art masterpiece.

-It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead marines. And then you will be in a world of shit. Because marines are not allowed to die without permission. Do you maggots understand?

-Private Pyle, I'm gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fuckin' seconds to wipe that stupid grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you!

-Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.

-What is your malfunction, numbnuts?

-Pyle, you had best unfuck yourself and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!

-You know there's not a single horse in the entire country of Vietman? There's definitely something wrong with that.

-You write "Born to Kill" on your helmet and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?!

-I wanted to meet stimulating and interesting people of an ancient culture, and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill.

-If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is poontang.

-A day without blood is like a day without sunshine -This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

-Well I got a joke for you. I'm gonna tear you a new asshole


-She's not my mother, Todd.

-Come with me if you want to live.

-We're not going to make it, are we?

-How's the kneecap, doctor?

-It's in your nature to destroy yourselves.

-You just can't go around killing people.

-On August 29th 1997 it's gonna feel pretty fucking real to you too. Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day... Get it?

-I know now why you cry. But it's something I can never do.

-If a machine, a terminator, can learn the value of human life, maybe we can too.


-Elvis is not dead, he just went home.

-I'm going to get my gun. Hey, you b*stard, eat me.

-You know the difference between you and me? I make this look good.

-It just be raining black men in New York!

-Hey, you never flashy thingied me, right?

-With all the technology that we have and we drive around in a Ford P.O.S


-Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies just make psychos more creative.

-When do we see Jamie Lee's breasts? I wanna see Jamie Lee's breasts.

-Look, Kenny, I know you're about fifty pounds overweight, but when I say hurry, please interpret that as MOVE YOUR FAT TUB OF LARD ASS NOW!

-Sydney, how does it feel to be almost brutally butchered? How does it feel? People have a right to know!

-Billy and his penis don't deserve you.

-If I'm right about this, I could save a man's life. Do you know what that would do for my book sales?

-Who am I? The beer wench?

-If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath-- would you be standing in the horror section?

-It's called subtlety, Stu. You should look it up sometime.

-Now that Billy tried to mutilate her, do you think Sydney would go out with me?

-Oh please don't kill me Mr. Ghostface, I wanna be in the sequel!

-I will totally protect you. Yo, I am so buff, I got you covered, girl.

-I wish I could be a Meg Ryan movie. Or at least a good porno.

-I never thought I'd be so happy to be a virgin!

-What's the point they're all the same, some stupid killer stalking some big breasted girl who can't act and is always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door, it's insulting.

-It's the millennium, motives are incidental.

-There's always some stupid bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend.

-My mom and dad are going to be so mad at me!

-Bam! Bitch went down!!!
-Liver alone, man. Get it? Liver alone. Ha, ha. What?

-Oh, god, Kenny. I'm sorry, but get off the fucking windshield


"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn"-Lawrence J Peter

"what the heart knows today, the head will understand tomorrow"-James Stephens

"You're never too old to grow up"-Shirley conran

"memory is the diary we all carry about with us"-oscar wilde

"The older you get, the greater you were"-Lee Gosscup

"if you don't want anyone to know, don't do it"-chinese Proverb

"education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know"-Daniel J Boorstin

"Talent is a flame. Genius is a fire"-Bern Willians

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door"-Milton Berle

"If at first you don't succeed,Blame it on the teacher"-Stacey Bass

"Success is that old ABC,-ability, breaks and courage"-Charles Luckman

"If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can belive it, i know i can achive it"-The Rev. Jesse Jackson

"If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it"-Jonathan Winters

"The worse the passage the more welcome the port"-Thomas Fuller

"Don't let what you can not do interfere with what you can do"-John Wooden

"Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten"-B.F.Skinner

"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past"-Thomas Jefferson

"Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well"-Lord Chesterfield

"We ake a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give"-Norman McEwan

"How to make a speech: Be sincere, be brief, be seated"-Anon

"Education is an ornament in prosperity and a refuge in adversity"-Aristotle

"Problems are opportunities in work clothes"-Henry Kaiser

"success generally depends upon knowing how long it takes to succeed"-C.L.De Montesquieu

"You must never "find" time for anything. If you want time you must take it"-Charles Buxton

"An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest"-Benjamin Franklin"


Disclaimer: Kevs Classic Games does not claim rights to any software on the site. To the best of my knowledge, these titles have been discontinued by their publishers. If you know otherwise, please contact me and i will remove them right away. Thankz for your attention.